


Too Far Gone?

by Somethingaboutmisha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Hates Himself, I don't know how to tag this, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethingaboutmisha/pseuds/Somethingaboutmisha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>another prompt from Its-more-of-an-overcoat on tumblr!<br/>Also, contains a bit of a headcanon of mine. I believe that Cas when he was an angel, slowly got the ability to have human emotions. The more time he spent with the Winchesters, the more he learned how to have human emotions. I KNOW the Winchesters changed him just as much as he changed them.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Too Far Gone?

**Author's Note:**

> another prompt from Its-more-of-an-overcoat on tumblr!  
> Also, contains a bit of a headcanon of mine. I believe that Cas when he was an angel, slowly got the ability to have human emotions. The more time he spent with the Winchesters, the more he learned how to have human emotions. I KNOW the Winchesters changed him just as much as he changed them.

            The Winchesters rolled into the parking lot of the motel. The motel that looked like the dozens they had stayed in before. They pulled into their allotted parking space and the engine was cut. Sam got out of the Impala and stretched. The drive from North Dakota to Ohio had been a long one for both of them. Dean hadn’t said anything since Michigan. A tell tale sign he was either exhausted, or grumpy. Or in this case, both.

            The hunt hadn’t gone very well. There had been a lot of collateral damage that the Djinn had left in its wake. They had tried to save the girls it was feeding on, but they were too far gone. Dean had carried one out of the abandoned house while Sam killed the Djinn. Once Dean had gotten her outside, he had found she had died en route.

            Sam grabbed his and Dean’s duffles and gone inside, knowing that Dean just needed some time alone. Dean sat, still buckled in the drivers seat, resting his head on the door window. He blamed himself. For letting that girl die. For getting his mother killed. (He knew that he didn’t actually get her killed, but try telling that to his self esteem.) He wondered why Sam didn’t hate him. If he hadn’t shown up at Sam’s apartment, Jess would still be alive. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall.

            “Hello Dean”

            “Cas” Dean turned his head away from his best friends and savior. He couldn’t let Castiel see him cry.

            “Dean, I know you are upset. I know you inside and out. You don’t need to hide from me.” Cas’s words should have been comforting, but the monotonous way the angel said them, had the opposite effect.

            “Dammit Cas!” Dean growled, turning his head away from the angel and wiping the tears away. Cas reached over and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.            

            “Do you need me to go get Sam?” Cas asked in the same uncomforting monotonous voice he used on a regular basis. His words didn’t make Dean feel any better. He didn’t need comfort or sympathy, he needed to take control of some part of how he had felt. He needed control. He needed to know he didn’t kill everything he touched.

            Without thinking, he leaned over and pressed his lips to Cas, feeling Cas tense up as the hunters soft lips pressed against the angel’s. He pulled back, heart racing from doing what he had been longing to do for a very long time. Once look at Cas’s shocked face was enough to scare the feeling of warmth away.

            “Cas…I… That was a mistake.” Was all Dean could get out before the fluttering of wings and the emptiness of the Impala returned. He heaved himself out of the car and slammed the door. He fucked up. He fucked up bad. Unwilling to face Sam, he entered the room and straight to the into the tiny bathroom. Dean had lost friends before, but none that meant as much to him as Cas did.

            Sam’s heavy footsteps crossed the room and stopped just on the other side of the door. He heard a small sigh and then a soft knock on the bathroom door.

            “Hey Dean, you ok?”

            Dean didn’t respond. Sam knew he wasn’t the ‘talk about feelings’ type. Sam waited for a minute by the door before Dean heard him walk over to one of the twin beds in the room. He closed his eyes and let silent tears fall again.

            When he awoke, the bathroom light was still on, but he could tell it was late. Sam was snoring and the lights were off out in the main room. He got to his feet, struggling to stay upright on legs that had fallen asleep hours before. He needed air.            

            Moving softly through the room as to not wake Sam, he slipped out of the door and into the cool night air.

            “Dean Winchester.” A smarmy, British voice said from behind him.

            “Do you want to tell me what is going on with our dear Cassie? He’s up there being as emotional as he can be.”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean lied.

            “Well ever since he came down here to you two fellows, he’s been very uncastiel like up behind the pearly gates.”

            “I don’t know what is wrong with him Balthazar. He was down here, and then he left. That’s all I know.” Dean avoided eye contact with the angel, praying to god, he would just fly the fuck away.

            “Well Deanie dear, I hope you are right. I hope he’s just being a bit…human.” With that, Balthazar was gone.

            Dean scoffed at where the angel had once stood.  He stood, under the overhang above the door. Hands in his jeans pockets and rocking back and forth from his heels to his toes. So Cas was up there thinking he was a freak. And after the hunt where the fucking girl died in his arms, he really did ruin everything he touched. Fuck. The thoughts brought the sting of tears welling behind his eyes again. God fucking damn it, he is a grown ass man. Why the fuck is he crying over this shit like a fourteen year old girl?

            “Dean” a gravelly voice said from behind him.

            “Cas, I-I mean…Just spare me the trauma and just go.”

            “That’s not why I am here.” Cas said, walking up towards the hunter who had turned to face him. The angel pulled Dean into a deep, passionate kiss; tongue searching Dean’s mouth for what seemed to be the meaning of life.

            Dean moaned into Cas’s mouth and found his hands were subconsciously running up and down Cas’s trench coated sides.

            “You forget that I remade you Dean, I know the way you think.” Cas said after they broke apart.

            “Then why did you leave? And send that dick down here?”

            “I wasn’t ready to face my newfound human emotions. As angels, we are not made with the ability to have human emotions. My time with you is changing me. I also did not send Balthazar down to you. He came of his own accord.”

            “These human emotions, what are they? I don’t want to assume you're... in love with... me.” Dean said, digging his toe in the dirt and staring at his feet.

            “I am Dean,” Cas said with a shy smile, “And you are not too far gone.”

            Dean took Cas’s hand and kissed him again.


End file.
